It’s known to every LDR couple that one of the most amazing experiences is meeting each other for the first time (if you haven’t already met). And it is indeed.
The thousands kinds of feelings you get are overwhelming and it is amazing to deal with all of them. But I should add that with that sea of feelings comes a big wave of emptiness. And that’s this ‘emptiness’ we’re going to talk about.
On the one hand, there are a lot of things I wish someone would’ve told me before I met Kevin in person that would help me a lot. And on the other hand I know that 90% would be useless because no relationship is equal to the other, which makes it difficult to give advices that will fit every single couple on the LDR community.
On the next topics I not only try to explain how to deal with the airport/train station"goodbye" but also to reach every single aspect that are common to LDR Couples.
After you’ve hugged and kissed for the last time in some weeks/months/years, it would be good if you tried to:
1- Be sad:
And cry, and be alone and feel like the world is ending. On the first visit I had, I tried my best to hold feelings back. I held my tears only to find out that I would have to cry them after that anyways. Let yourself feel just for the fact that it is a sad situation, no one would like to be separated who-knows-until-when from the person they love. Don’t try to hold it back and let things be, crying is good when you need to let a bad feeling out. Which takes us to topic two.
2- Lean on each other:
Don’t try to look strong or be alone. Hug each other and talk about the feelings you have about one of you leaving, you both surely are feeling the same way and talking about it may let the other person know how to deal better with it or be strong when you need them. You will learn to trust each other better and the post-sadness you’ll get will be way lighter, because you went through the rough part together. And that leads us to topic number three.
3- Have a “deadline” to your sadness.
The name of the topic says it all. Acknowledging your feelings is good, but you also have to start getting better and feeling motivated again. I would say it’s the worst thing to do after the goodbye. You have to be strong, take a deep breath and know that in a short spam of time, your life needs to get in track again to keep planning on being together. It might get to you out of nowhere and go away as soon as it came. Your feelings will be mixed and you’ll be amazed to see how many good and bad feelings you can have in a day. Don’t worry, you’ll feel happier more frequently until you get back on where you were before the visit.
4- Make the last day an “Organizing day”:
Nothing worse then finding his/her sock somewhere a day after your significant other left. It’s good if you both make the bags together and organize stuff in order to make sure there are going to be no ‘surprise’ things left. That will hurt.
5- Be sure to leave something to remember.
As bad as finding surprise things around the house might be, having something to remember might be good when you’re not feeling too well. You will miss their smell most of it all, so I recommend something that has his/her perfume on it. As cheesy as it sounds, it will calm you down for a little while, specially a week or two after you’ve left.
6- Plan something small:
After a visit, you’ll both probably be broke. Plan on sending a letter and some treats within the first month after you’ve been together. Write about the trip, send them chocolate, sweet things that will remind them how good it is to be together. It’s also something to look forward and keeping your minds out of the fact that you’re not together. Expecting something good is one of the best ways of getting happier together.
7- Do what makes you happy:
As talked in the beginning, the strongest feeling that is going to appear is the emptiness, and it’s going to stay for a while. Getting back on track might be boring. Same work, same room, same University, same people and it goes on. Find something you love and make sure you do it whenever you can. It will help you to feed yourself with some happy feelings that are going to end up helping you to deal with everything else. It will make you to feel better, think better and start planning for the next visit again. It will also help to make your Skype/phone conversations more exciting so you don’t only talk about how difficult the situation is or that your day was not exciting.
Don’t worry, is just a lot of different feelings you’ll experience all at once that you’ll have to straighten up to. They go away and come back sometimes and it just shows how good your experience was and how worth it is to wait for the “hello” again.
To all of you that have never experienced a goodbye, deep breath and be strong, to the ones that are experiencing it now (including me), it’s not forever, soon you’ll have your countdowns again to look forward.
LDR’s are worth every single feeling you can have. It makes you strong and learn to have control over your own body. It will never be easy, but again, after the rain always comes the rainbow. It’s not different with us.
Author: Catalina
Hi, guys! My name is Catalina. I'm currently fun-employed and trying to figure out the next steps in life. But while I'm doing all of that, I'll be sharing bits and pieces of my life.
Look out for foodie adventures, travels, celebrations, music, beauty, and much more!
Lots of love!
90 Day LDR Challenge: Day 31
Day 31: Describe his/her personality in 6 words!
(Answered these individually as well!)
Cat: Richard = funny, caring, honest, thoughtful, friendly, strong
Richard: Cat = bubbly, caring, friendly, confident, strong and fun
Calling Your LDR SO, She/He Doesn’t Pick Up, but She/He is Online…
793 miles stronger.
Being a 21 year old I am still definitely trying to find myself as a person.
With Skyler being roughly 800 miles away I can’t just drive to see him when I need or want. Which can be tough sometimes because sadly I’m not the most independent person. I can be very insecure when it comes to who I am and who I want to be. When things get rough in my life it is really hard to not have Skyler right there to just comfort me.
As some of you may have remembered from my previous post my dad was very ill, sadly he passed away the other day. With Skyler not being here I had to find the strength in myself to not slowly break down into a hot mess. I couldn’t just hide out away from the world no matter how badly I wanted to because I have other obligations and responsibilities such as school and work.
Unfortunately though Skyler suffered from it. I was becoming distant from him as well as my friends. I just didn’t know what to do or what to say. Of course they’d all have their sympathetic looks, and condolences which are always appreciated. I just didn’t know if I’d be able to handle it. It took me a few days to get passed the initial grief and sadness, not that it ever fully goes away. I started to become myself a little bit more and more every day.
Being in an LDR I can often feel like I’m alone most of the time, I want to be that couple you see holding hands, and giving each other those loving glances. I used to wonder is this even a real relationship without the physical and intimate parts of it. I began to get really insecure, but the longer Skyler and I are together the more and more I learn about myself. I learned that even if its harder to be on my own without him right there, I can still do it. He may not physically be there but he is in all the ways he can. I’m not too bad of company for myself. 😉
Not that I don’t want to close the distance between Skyler and I, because I do more than anything. But right now I’m able to focus on finishing my degree and then we can see whats nextt. I’ve learned from being in this relationship I am a lot more capable than I used to give myself credit for. It helps that Skyler never lets me believe otherwise, his constant love and support has helped push me to finish school, and further other goals.
I’ve learned how to become much more trusting and open in our relationship. From previous bad relationships I’ve had severe trust issues, and being in a long distance relationship you can’t have that or it will slowly kill your relationship. I’ve never been the kind of person to speak my mind, I’m very timid and in blatant terms a push over. Skyler has helped me come through that a little bit by making me speak about things that are bother me in our relationship instead of just pushing them under the rug until it gets to be to much,
Being in a LDR definitley is helping me grow more and more into finding the person I hope to become some day.
Inspired by this LDR Writing Prompt: Self Strength
My LDR Journey: Give into the Fear
I’m going to be 100 percent honest with you guys: When Richard and I discussed being in a LDR for the first time a few months into dating, I was all for it. Richard, on the other hand, was not so much…
I learned a lot from the good and the bad from my first LDR, and I just knew that having a LDR with Richard was going to be no problem. I knew I loved him. I knew I cared about him. I knew I could commit to someone so special without needing to have that person physically in my life every single day.
Richard had never been in a LDR before. Thinking of living an ocean apart from each other after having lived just down the street from me for a whole year made Richard nervous, scared, and unsure about the whole thing. When Richard would get nervous about the prospect of a LDR, I would interpret it as his lack of commitment, his lack of enthusiasm, and worse of all, his potential lack of love for me.
But what I didn’t take into account at the time was this: Being in a LDR is like bungee jumping. If you’ve done it before, all you can think about is the exhilarating rush of jumping off the platform and experiencing the freedom of the free fall, making you feel more alive than ever! But if you’ve never done it before, all you can think of is “How do you drum up the courage to jump off somewhere so high only being tethered to a platform by a rope?!”
So instead of hearing Richard’s nerves in an empathetic way, trying to understand what it must be like to all of a sudden throw yourself into a LDR with the one you love, I was listening to Richard’s concerns with a filter dominated with impatience and experience, knowing that we had all the right ingredients to make a LDR work (commitment, communication, care and most importantly – love) and wondering how he couldn’t see that it was going to be alright in the end!
Using the bungee jumping analogy again: Instead of giving Richard the space to freak out over his first bungee jump, as all people do one way or another, I was just yelling “Richard! You’re going to be fine! I’ve done it before! It is so fun! Trust me! Just jump!”
Reflecting on it a few months after our first conversation on LDRs, I realized that I approached the topic completely wrong. Instead of telling Richard to push through his fear and trust unconditionally because his love for me should guide him there without a second thought was quite small-minded of me. I am someone who lives without regrets. So, while I wouldn’t want to take that moment back because it taught me so much, I wish I could have approached Richard’s nerves a different way by creating a space that allowed him to share his concerns, his nerves, his thoughts, and his feelings without judgment and with unconditional empathy. Ultimately, I wish I could have given him space to give into his fears so that he could move on from them in a safe way.
I know now that if Richard wasn’t serious about our relationship that he would have never entertained the idea of a LDR. The mere fact that he wanted to discuss the option with me and took my feelings on LDRs into account – that was the sign of his unconditional love for me. His nerves, his hesitation, his feelings – those were signs of his humanity.
It’s important to know the difference, and I have definitely learned my lesson.
90 Day LDR Challenge: Day 30
Day 30: If you two could go anywhere in the world together where would it be and why?
Cat: Somewhere tropical!! That’s why I reblog a lot of pictures of the beach or tropical getaways on here. A week or two somewhere tropical in a gorgeous resort with Richard sounds like heaven to me.
Richard: We keep talking about going Bora Bora for our honeymoon or for an expensive holiday.
Cat: I love how those are essentially the same thing, ha!
Richard: You know what I mean, nummins… It looks so serene there and somewhere to get away from the world and totally relax. Otherwise, I’d love to go travelling in France together and go to the mecca of French culture: Disney Land Paris ;D
Cat: Ladies and gentlemen, the love of my life…
90 Day LDR Challenge: Day 29
Day 29: Do you remember what you were both wearing the first time you video chatted (or saw each other)?
(Note: We decided to answer this question without knowing what the other person answered just to see what we would come up with on our own…)
Cat: Okay, the first time we met I was wearing jeans, a black long-sleeved shirt, brown booties and a burgundy leather jacket. I’m think Richard was wearing jeans, a black t-shirt, and a grey jacket?
Richard: We didn’t actually video chat before we met (I was shy.), but I believe I was wearing jeans, a leather jacket and a shirt. And Cat was wearing a maroon leather jacket and dark red pants(?).
Okay so it wasn’t a slam dunk, BUT we still sorta remember after almost 3 years, haha!
Reblog if you are missing your significant other right now because you don’t live near each other.
.
Our Top Ten Songs
Seeing so many posts yesterday about the top ten songs that remind everyone of their SOs and their LDRs made me think about the songs that make me think of Richard and our relationship.
Keep reading to check them out!
Mirrors – Justin Timberlake
I’m lookin’ right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
When Justin Timberlake wrote The 20/20 Experience it was so clear just how deeply in love he was with his wife and now mother of his child, Jessica Biel. But what caught me off guard was just how much his lyrics would apply to my relationship with Richard! Justin’s “Mirrors” really captures how I feel about Richard – so much so that it’s definitely one of our main songs. When I look at Richard, I know I’m looking at the person who is my other half, who has filled a part of my heart that had been empty for some time but who also fills a part of my heart that I had no idea needed to be filled!
Diamonds – Rihanna
You’re a shooting star I see
A vision of ecstasy
When you hold me, I’m alive
We’re like diamonds in the sky
Okay so even though there are really sweet declarations of love in Rihanna’s hit, that’s actually not the reason I chose this song. When it came out, I was obsessed with the song as a piece on its own. Rihanna knows how to make ‘em! And so, I would start singing it or humming it randomly and every so often around Richard. At one point, he just asked “What song is that?” And I played it for him and he liked it too. The words are just an added bonus, but it just makes me think of how Richard and I love introducing each other to new songs. 🙂
Flowers in the Window – Travis
So now we’re here and now is fine
So far away from there and there is time, time, time
To plant new seeds and watch them grow
So there’ll be flowers in the window when we go
That part of Travis’ song makes me tear up every time I hear it. So, I can’t listen to this song all the time or I would be a blubbering mess! This song is written from the point of view of a person who was really cold and numb to everything before being in a relationship with his/her SO and how through falling in love this person can now appreciate the beauty of the world and see a beautiful future with them. Richard played this song one night for me randomly very early on in our relationship. And I just remember hearing it, listening intently to all the words, and I was just so flabbergasted. I asked him, “Is that really how you feel about me at this point?” And without hesitation, he said, “There’s no doubt.”
Mykonos – Fleet Foxes
Brother, you don’t need to turn me away
I was waiting down at the ancient gate
You go wherever you go today
You go today
“Mykonos" has one of the most beautiful, haunting beginnings. Those beautiful harmonies draw me in immediately, and they’re what made me love this song from the get-go. Now, although the song isn’t about a romantic relationship, the lines above remind me to be patient when Richard and I have disagreements. “You don’t need to turn me away/I was waiting down at the ancient gate.” Although I know we’re all human and we’re all bound to be guilty of it at one point or another, sometimes we don’t know what else to do but walk away. And while that hurts, we always tell each other that if either one of us gets upset at the other or if we both get upset at each other simultaneously, we will always give each other space when we need it but we will be waiting to reconcile with an open heart and an open mind.
Spanish Radio – Biffy Clyro
Hey! You can be lost at the same time as being found!
Richard played this song for the first time when we were doing chores around our apartment. I loved the beat, and we ended up taking a break and listening to it together. And when I looked into the lyrics, none of them really hit me until the last two lines. “You can be lost at the same time as being found!” Richard definitely makes me feel that way. I mean, there are so many unanswered questions that I have about myself and some parts of my life, but I also have Richard who makes me feel like I have found something so special even in the midst of the chaos that is life. 🙂
Feel My Love – Adele
I’ve known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong.
After Richard played me “Flowers in the Window”, I played him this beautiful Adele cover because it expressed how I felt about him at the time – and still do!
Open Your Eyes – Snow Patrol
Get up, get out, get away from these liars
‘Cause they don’t get your soul or your fire
Take my hand, knot your fingers through mine
And we’ll walk from this dark room for the last time
Richard shared this song with me when he wanted to show me the cool music video. The video was filmed by a guy driving around Paris at 5:00 am. It’s so cool to see the end result of that and to see Paris at that time during the day. Paris is one of my favorite cities in the world. 🙂 I loved the song, and I started listening to it a bit more. The lines that I have quoted here really reflect how much strength I feel Richard has given me to detach myself completely from negative people and negative energy in my life. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a while, and I just knew I had to build the personal courage to do it for myself. And Richard was definitely one of the most important people in making that all happen.
You Are In Love – Taylor Swift
You can hear it in the silence, silence
You can feel it on the way home, way home
You can see it with the lights out, lights out
You are in love, true love
I might get some flack for it, but I’m all about keeping it 100% honest with you guys. So, I’m going to go ahead and say it: I was never a fan of Taylor Swift. Something about her songs when I was younger just didn’t click with me. She’s been wildly successful at such a young age, and on that level, I definitely respect that. Her music just never hit me the way that other artists’ work has throughout the years. But her 1989 album really did stike a chord with me, and the bonus track “You Are In Love” immediately made me think of Richard. It actually made me tear up a bit when I first heard it, and I made him listen to it even though he’s not a big fan of hers either. We know we’re in love with each other. I can definitely feel it not only when we tell each other or show each other how much we love each other, but I can feel it in the silence, which can be so much more profound than words or actions could ever be.
I’ll Be Seeing You – Billie Holiday
I’ll find you in the morning sun
And when the night is new
I’ll be looking at the moon
But I’ll be seeing you
“I’ll Be Seeing You” is so special to me because it has helped me cope with the passing of some of my loved ones. A few days after Richard and I parted in January, I was listening to some music on shuffle, and this song came on. It made me think of how even being 3,226 miles away from him, I would be seeing him in every little thing around me. Something about Billie’s incredible voice and the beautiful melody of this classic just made me feel comforted at such a delicate time.
Rather Be – Clean Bandit
When I am with you, there’s no place I’d rather be
I love the upbeat feel of this hit! But most of all, I love the words because they could not be more true to me and to Richard as we’re fighting the distance. “When I am with you, there’s no place I’d rather be.” Yas, Clean Bandit, YAS! It’s just one simple line, but it’s my feelings exactly. I cannot tell you how excited I am that he will be visiting next month! There’s very few people in my life who makes me feel as happy as he does and there’s nobody who makes me feel as loved as he does.
All quoted lyrics founds on www.azlyrics.com.
Slice of Life 