90 Day LDR Challenge: Day 34

Day 34: What are some negative impacts you feel distance has made on your relationship?

Cat: I really feel like this LDR has had more of a positive impact on our relationship more so than a negative impact. We loved living together, but we lived with each other while we were both doing our master’s. It was pretty stressful, and towards the end, things got tough… But we made it through the storm, and while being in a LDR sounds like the thing that would really tear us apart, it really brought us closer together and made us stronger as individuals and as a couple. I think it has given us clarity in a way we had not yet. Babe?

Richard: Yeah, exactly what you said, babe. I can only say that it’s difficult when I really need a cuddle, but I know we’re strong as ever. šŸ™‚

Don’t Dismiss Me: An Open Letter

Dear family and friends,

This letter isn’t for all of you. It’s for a select few.

It isn’t for those of you who have unconditionally supported my relationship.

It’s for those of you who don’t believe that Richard and I will make it in a LDR; for those of you who don’t believe my relationship is valid because it’s a LDR.

How does being 3,226 miles away from Richard invalidate the something special we have? How does being on the other side of the ocean immediately do away with my feelings of true love and genuine commitment?

Richard and I may not be in the same place geographically right now, but we’re on the same page about our feelings and our future. The same way you may be working towards marriage with your partner – that’s how Richard and I are working towards closing the distance.

Oddly enough, we live in a time when technology makes time and space almost irrelevant to our communications. I can Skype Richard the same way you see your partner on a daily basis. I can message Richard the same way you leave little notes on the kitchen counter for your partner.

Of course, these technologies don’t take away the time difference. And that makes it difficult when I have something on my mind at 9:00 pm my time and 2:00 am Richard’s time… Ā 

That kind of time difference and that kind of distance means that some days are easier than others, just like some days are easier than others in your relationship. Your biggest issues may not be distance or time difference like it is for me, but it may be money, school, work, busy schedules, miscommunications, etc. You know what’s interesting? Those same issues exist in LDRs. And if anything, distance and time differences amplify them.

Maybe the reason you judge my LDR is because LDRs are so different from what is conceptualized as ā€œnormalā€ for relationships in society. And I can only imagine how scary that must be – to let go of preconceived notions you are so comfortable with, to let go of opinions that have shaped your entire life up to this point.

But even still: Just because the only thing separating my love and me is distance doesn’t mean my relationship is any less valid, any less worthy of your respect and your support.

You love your partner.

I love my partner.

Don’t dismiss my relationship. Don’t dismiss my love.

Don’t dismiss me.

Love,

Cat

Inspired by the LDRBN Prompt: Open Letter

Check out LDRBN!

90 Day LDR Challenge: Day 29

Day 29: Do you remember what you were both wearing the first time you video chatted (or saw each other)?

(Note: We decided to answer this question without knowing what the other person answered just to see what we would come up with on our own…)

Cat:Ā Okay, the first time we met I was wearing jeans, a black long-sleeved shirt, brown booties and a burgundy leather jacket. I’m think Richard was wearing jeans, a black t-shirt, and a grey jacket?

Richard:Ā We didn’t actually video chat before we met (I was shy.), but I believe I was wearing jeans, a leather jacket and a shirt. And Cat was wearing a maroon leather jacket and dark red pants(?).

Okay so it wasn’t a slam dunk, BUTĀ we still sorta remember after almost 3 years, haha!

Message Us Monday

I hope you guys know that Richard and IĀ here for you whenever you need a shoulder to lean on.Ā 

Richard and I are committed to making our space a judgment free zone and a safe space. So, if you ever feel the need to reach out, we’ll be on the other side. šŸ™‚Ā 

I hope you all are having an amazing start to your week!

Your Love From Afar Challenge: Week 7

Monday- Tell us about your different cultures, languages, and customs.

How do you deal with each other having different cultures, languages, and customs? (If you have the same background explain how it affects the relationship)

Do you learn more about how the other person thinks when you learn about their culture?

What are some funny, frustrating, or surprising moments you have shared because of these differences?

Cat: Whoa, these are some good questions! Okay, so, I was born in Lima, Peru. My mom is Peruvian and my dad was American. So, I was kind of brought up as a hybrid of the two cultures. So, even though I’m Peruvian, I definitely identify with certain parts of American culture because I have lived here my whole life (essentially) and because my dad was American.

I can’t speak for Richard, but I really like having a different culture, language and customs from him. I feel like I have learned a lot about both British and Welsh cultures, and I have loved it, truly. I mean, Welsh is a really cool-sounding language. I can speak for Richard when I say he will totally disagree with me on that, haha! Overall we really enjoy learning about each other’s cultures from each other. It’s been a really fun learning experience for us and our families!

I definitely have learned more about Richard’s mindset since I have learned about his culture. He really does embody the phrase, ā€œKeep calm and carry on,ā€ even though that phrase totally annoys him, haha! And that’s one of the many things I love about him. And it’s completely opposite to my family: We’re passionate about everything we do – It’s the Latin in our blood, haha! I love the balance he puts in my life. šŸ™‚

From what he has told me and from what I perceive, sometimes it does bother him when my family and I lose ourselves and start talking in Spanish in front of him. Oops… Our bad… But he wants to learn more Spanish, and since I’m definitely teaching our children Spanish in the future, he either needs to hop on board or our children and I are going to have secret conversations, haha! (You all heard it here first!)

To end on a happy note:The fun moments we’ve had in regards to our different cultures has been cooking for each other. Richard loved my lomo saltado, and his mom and he loved my chile relleno. And my family can’t stop raving about Richard’s homemade focaccia and Bakewell Tart. Food ftw.

Richard: For me I enjoy us sharing different backgrounds as it means we open our minds to new ways of thinking, and collectively we make better decisions. I studied Spanish at GCSE level (14-16) but I have forgotten a lot unfortunately… Apart from enough to say silly things haha In terms of culture, we do compliment each other, as Cat gets me to dream more and be more hopeful and I keep her calm.

Yes, some times the Spanish speaking does bother me šŸ˜› From my own background of growing up in a two lanaguage country, the social rule was essentially that if everyone speaks a shared lanaguage, then that’s the one you use apart from if you’re stuck on a word to use etc. I do feel bad getting annoyed with it but sometimes when I can’t take part in conversations that are happening by me, it does get to me. But, I do want to learn Spanish to have better conversations, teach our future children Spanish, and for business use in the states šŸ™‚

As Cat says, food has played a very big part with our families connecting šŸ™‚ I also made a Christmas dinner for Cat’s mum and Aunt when they were here for Christmas which went down really well! There will be competition in the future, but we actually cook our Christmas dinners on separate days (24th and 25th) so it’s all good!

Overall, any quirks have been growing pains when two cultures come together but 99% has been great and we’re in it for the long haul šŸ™‚ She’s definitely improved my life and my outlook and I’m very thankful for having her in my life šŸ™‚