Tag: ldr life

90 Day LDR Challenge: Day 34

Day 34: What are some negative impacts you feel distance has made on your relationship?

Cat: I really feel like this LDR has had more of a positive impact on our relationship more so than a negative impact. We loved living together, but we lived with each other while we were both doing our master’s. It was pretty stressful, and towards the end, things got tough… But we made it through the storm, and while being in a LDR sounds like the thing that would really tear us apart, it really brought us closer together and made us stronger as individuals and as a couple. I think it has given us clarity in a way we had not yet. Babe?

Richard: Yeah, exactly what you said, babe. I can only say that it’s difficult when I really need a cuddle, but I know we’re strong as ever. 🙂

Don’t Dismiss Me: An Open Letter

Dear family and friends,

This letter isn’t for all of you. It’s for a select few.

It isn’t for those of you who have unconditionally supported my relationship.

It’s for those of you who don’t believe that Richard and I will make it in a LDR; for those of you who don’t believe my relationship is valid because it’s a LDR.

How does being 3,226 miles away from Richard invalidate the something special we have? How does being on the other side of the ocean immediately do away with my feelings of true love and genuine commitment?

Richard and I may not be in the same place geographically right now, but we’re on the same page about our feelings and our future. The same way you may be working towards marriage with your partner – that’s how Richard and I are working towards closing the distance.

Oddly enough, we live in a time when technology makes time and space almost irrelevant to our communications. I can Skype Richard the same way you see your partner on a daily basis. I can message Richard the same way you leave little notes on the kitchen counter for your partner.

Of course, these technologies don’t take away the time difference. And that makes it difficult when I have something on my mind at 9:00 pm my time and 2:00 am Richard’s time
  

That kind of time difference and that kind of distance means that some days are easier than others, just like some days are easier than others in your relationship. Your biggest issues may not be distance or time difference like it is for me, but it may be money, school, work, busy schedules, miscommunications, etc. You know what’s interesting? Those same issues exist in LDRs. And if anything, distance and time differences amplify them.

Maybe the reason you judge my LDR is because LDRs are so different from what is conceptualized as “normal” for relationships in society. And I can only imagine how scary that must be – to let go of preconceived notions you are so comfortable with, to let go of opinions that have shaped your entire life up to this point.

But even still: Just because the only thing separating my love and me is distance doesn’t mean my relationship is any less valid, any less worthy of your respect and your support.

You love your partner.

I love my partner.

Don’t dismiss my relationship. Don’t dismiss my love.

Don’t dismiss me.

Love,

Cat

Inspired by the LDRBN Prompt: Open Letter

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The Unfathomable Realization That Happiness is Possible From a Distance.

theldrjournal:

Blessings, they say they come in disguise. I have found this to be true. While having you thousands of miles away from me I am still the happiest I have ever been because of even having you. I have found immense happiness with you.

Being in a long distance relationship has taught me to, as the clichĂ© says, “find happiness in the little things”. Before being with you, many things were taken for granted on my part. Things have changed since then. Each kiss feels like the first. Your hugs fill my entire self with warmth and the reassurance that you will never let me go, even if you have to physically. 

We learned to be children again together while also growing to adults and starting our lives. Stress of school, work, or money simply dissolves when I hear your voice on my phone. We discuss marriage and having a family after we finish a game of “Would You Rather”. We build a big comfy bed of mattresses and pillows downstairs and wait for everyone to go to bed so we can eat snacks and watch movies.

I never take any text, phone call, or video call with you for granted. I cherish each part of our relationship, the parts that many couples wouldn’t care to think twice about. We don’t need big adventures or even expensive gifts to fill our hearts full of bliss. We just need each other. Whether that be together in person or away through the phone. With you, I am incredibly happy.

Inspired by this LDR Writing Prompt: Happiness

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The power of love, as written by a beautiful soul and a beautiful friend 

90 Day LDR Challenge: Day 32

Day 32: How are you able to afford trips to see each other? Do you find this aspect of the relationship challenging?

Cat: I’ve been saving up every month! I wish I could just win the lottery and visit him whenever I want for however long I want. But until that happens (hahaha!), I just keep counting those dollars and cents. It’s not challenging per se, but it does require a lot of patience! But I know it’s worth it, and that’s what keeps me going. 🙂

Richard: Well I have already paid for the trip to see Cat in September for two weeks 🙂 I think I’m only going to go over the once, and Cat is hoping to come over next year because we’re hoping for the visa to be sorted out in time for me to move over next September. Ideally, I’d be going over more but I think we’re striking the right balance. We’re going to be together for a long time so I don’t find this challenging 🙂

Post-visit post

theoceanapart:

It’s known to every LDR couple that one of the most amazing experiences is meeting each other for the first time (if you haven’t already met). And it is indeed.

The thousands kinds of feelings you get are overwhelming and it is amazing to deal with all of them. But I should add that with that sea of feelings comes a big wave of emptiness. And that’s this ‘emptiness’ we’re going to talk about.

On the one hand, there are a lot of things I wish someone would’ve told me before I met Kevin in person that would help me a lot. And on the other hand I know that 90% would be useless because no relationship is equal to the other, which makes it difficult to give advices that will fit every single couple on the LDR community.

On the next topics I not only try to explain how to deal with the airport/train station"goodbye" but also to reach every single aspect that are common to LDR Couples.

After you’ve hugged and kissed for the last time in some weeks/months/years, it would be good if you tried to:

1- Be sad:

And cry, and be alone and feel like the world is ending. On the first visit I had, I tried my best to hold feelings back. I held my tears only to find out that I would have to cry them after that anyways. Let yourself feel just for the fact that it is a sad situation, no one would like to be separated who-knows-until-when from the person they love. Don’t try to hold it back and let things be, crying is good when you need to let a bad feeling out. Which takes us to topic two.

2- Lean on each other:

Don’t try to look strong or be alone. Hug each other and talk about the feelings you have about one of you leaving, you both surely are feeling the same way and talking about it may let the other person know how to deal better with it or be strong when you need them. You will learn to trust each other better and the post-sadness you’ll get will be way lighter, because you went through the rough part together. And that leads us to topic number three.

3- Have a “deadline” to your sadness.

The name of the topic says it all. Acknowledging your feelings is good, but you also have to start getting better and feeling motivated again.  I would say it’s the worst thing to do after the goodbye. You have to be strong, take a deep breath and know that in a short spam of time, your life needs to get in track again to keep planning on being together. It might get to you out of nowhere and go away as soon as it came. Your feelings will be mixed and you’ll be amazed to see how many good and bad feelings you can have in a day. Don’t worry, you’ll feel happier more frequently until you get back on where you were before the visit.

4- Make the last day an “Organizing day”:

Nothing worse then finding his/her sock somewhere a day after your significant other left. It’s good if you both make the bags together and organize stuff in order to make sure there are going to be no ‘surprise’ things left. That will hurt.

5- Be sure to leave something to remember.

As bad as finding surprise things around the house might be, having something to remember might be good when you’re not feeling too well. You will miss their smell most of it all, so I recommend something that has his/her perfume on it. As cheesy as it sounds, it will calm you down for a little while, specially a week or two after you’ve left.

6- Plan something small:

After a visit, you’ll both probably be broke. Plan on sending a letter and some treats within the first month after you’ve been together. Write about the trip, send them chocolate, sweet things that will remind them how good it is to be together. It’s also something to look forward and keeping your minds out of the fact that you’re not together. Expecting something good is one of the best ways of getting happier together.

7- Do what makes you happy:

As talked in the beginning, the strongest feeling that is going to appear is the emptiness, and it’s going to stay for a while.  Getting back on track might be boring. Same work, same room, same University, same people and it goes on. Find something you love and make sure you do it whenever you can. It will help you to feed yourself with some happy feelings that are going to end up helping you to deal with everything else. It will make you to feel better, think better and start planning for the next visit again. It will also help to make your Skype/phone conversations more exciting so you don’t only talk about how difficult the situation is or that your  day was not exciting.

Don’t worry, is just a lot of different feelings you’ll experience all at once that you’ll have to straighten up to. They go away and come back sometimes and it just shows how good your experience was and how worth it is to wait for the “hello” again.

To all of you that have never experienced a goodbye, deep breath and be strong, to the ones that are experiencing it now (including me), it’s not forever, soon you’ll have your countdowns again to look forward.

LDR’s are worth every single feeling you can have. It makes you strong and learn to have control over your own body. It will never be easy, but again, after the rain always comes the rainbow. It’s not different with us.