Tag: long distant couple

Don’t Dismiss Me: An Open Letter

Dear family and friends,

This letter isn’t for all of you. It’s for a select few.

It isn’t for those of you who have unconditionally supported my relationship.

It’s for those of you who don’t believe that Richard and I will make it in a LDR; for those of you who don’t believe my relationship is valid because it’s a LDR.

How does being 3,226 miles away from Richard invalidate the something special we have? How does being on the other side of the ocean immediately do away with my feelings of true love and genuine commitment?

Richard and I may not be in the same place geographically right now, but we’re on the same page about our feelings and our future. The same way you may be working towards marriage with your partner – that’s how Richard and I are working towards closing the distance.

Oddly enough, we live in a time when technology makes time and space almost irrelevant to our communications. I can Skype Richard the same way you see your partner on a daily basis. I can message Richard the same way you leave little notes on the kitchen counter for your partner.

Of course, these technologies don’t take away the time difference. And that makes it difficult when I have something on my mind at 9:00 pm my time and 2:00 am Richard’s time…  

That kind of time difference and that kind of distance means that some days are easier than others, just like some days are easier than others in your relationship. Your biggest issues may not be distance or time difference like it is for me, but it may be money, school, work, busy schedules, miscommunications, etc. You know what’s interesting? Those same issues exist in LDRs. And if anything, distance and time differences amplify them.

Maybe the reason you judge my LDR is because LDRs are so different from what is conceptualized as “normal” for relationships in society. And I can only imagine how scary that must be – to let go of preconceived notions you are so comfortable with, to let go of opinions that have shaped your entire life up to this point.

But even still: Just because the only thing separating my love and me is distance doesn’t mean my relationship is any less valid, any less worthy of your respect and your support.

You love your partner.

I love my partner.

Don’t dismiss my relationship. Don’t dismiss my love.

Don’t dismiss me.

Love,

Cat

Inspired by the LDRBN Prompt: Open Letter

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The Unfathomable Realization That Happiness is Possible From a Distance.

theldrjournal:

Blessings, they say they come in disguise. I have found this to be true. While having you thousands of miles away from me I am still the happiest I have ever been because of even having you. I have found immense happiness with you.

Being in a long distance relationship has taught me to, as the cliché says, “find happiness in the little things”. Before being with you, many things were taken for granted on my part. Things have changed since then. Each kiss feels like the first. Your hugs fill my entire self with warmth and the reassurance that you will never let me go, even if you have to physically. 

We learned to be children again together while also growing to adults and starting our lives. Stress of school, work, or money simply dissolves when I hear your voice on my phone. We discuss marriage and having a family after we finish a game of “Would You Rather”. We build a big comfy bed of mattresses and pillows downstairs and wait for everyone to go to bed so we can eat snacks and watch movies.

I never take any text, phone call, or video call with you for granted. I cherish each part of our relationship, the parts that many couples wouldn’t care to think twice about. We don’t need big adventures or even expensive gifts to fill our hearts full of bliss. We just need each other. Whether that be together in person or away through the phone. With you, I am incredibly happy.

Inspired by this LDR Writing Prompt: Happiness

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The power of love, as written by a beautiful soul and a beautiful friend 

90 Day LDR Challenge: Day 32

Day 32: How are you able to afford trips to see each other? Do you find this aspect of the relationship challenging?

Cat: I’ve been saving up every month! I wish I could just win the lottery and visit him whenever I want for however long I want. But until that happens (hahaha!), I just keep counting those dollars and cents. It’s not challenging per se, but it does require a lot of patience! But I know it’s worth it, and that’s what keeps me going. 🙂

Richard: Well I have already paid for the trip to see Cat in September for two weeks 🙂 I think I’m only going to go over the once, and Cat is hoping to come over next year because we’re hoping for the visa to be sorted out in time for me to move over next September. Ideally, I’d be going over more but I think we’re striking the right balance. We’re going to be together for a long time so I don’t find this challenging 🙂

793 miles stronger.

paulinarosanne:

Being a 21 year old I am still definitely trying to find myself as a person. 

With Skyler being roughly 800 miles away I can’t just drive to see him when I need or want. Which can be tough sometimes because sadly I’m not the most independent person. I can be very insecure when it comes to who I am and who I want to be. When things get rough in my life it is really hard to not have Skyler right there to just comfort me. 

As some of you may have remembered from my previous post my dad was very ill, sadly he passed away the other day. With Skyler not being here I had to find the strength in myself to not slowly break down into a hot mess. I couldn’t just hide out away from the world no matter how badly I wanted to because I have other obligations and responsibilities such as school and work. 

Unfortunately though Skyler suffered from it. I was becoming distant from him as well as my friends. I just didn’t know what to do or what to say. Of course they’d all have their sympathetic looks, and condolences which are always appreciated. I just didn’t know if I’d be able to handle it. It took me a few days to get passed the initial grief and sadness, not that it ever fully goes away. I started to become myself a little bit more and more every day.

Being in an LDR I can often feel like I’m alone most of the time, I want to be that couple you see holding hands, and giving each other those loving glances. I used to wonder is this even a real relationship without the physical and intimate parts of it. I began to get really insecure, but the longer Skyler and I are together the more and more I learn about myself. I learned that even if its harder to be on my own without him right there, I can still do it. He may not physically be there but he is in all the ways he can. I’m not too bad of company for myself. 😉

Not that I don’t want to close the distance between Skyler and I, because I do more than anything. But right now I’m able to focus on finishing my degree and then we can see whats nextt. I’ve learned from being in this relationship I am a lot more capable than I used to give myself credit for. It helps that Skyler never lets me believe otherwise, his constant love and support has helped push me to finish school, and further other goals. 

I’ve learned how to become much more trusting and open in our relationship. From previous bad relationships I’ve had severe trust issues, and being in a long distance relationship you can’t have that or it will slowly kill your relationship. I’ve never been the kind of person to speak my mind, I’m very timid and in blatant terms a push over. Skyler has helped me come through that a little bit by making me speak about things that are bother me in our relationship instead of just pushing them under the rug until it gets to be to much, 

Being in a LDR definitley is helping me grow more and more into finding the person I hope to become some day. 

Inspired by this LDR Writing Prompt: Self Strength

My LDR Journey: Give into the Fear

I’m going to be 100 percent honest with you guys: When Richard and I discussed being in a LDR for the first time a few months into dating, I was all for it. Richard, on the other hand, was not so much…

I learned a lot from the good and the bad from my first LDR, and I just knew that having a LDR with Richard was going to be no problem. I knew I loved him. I knew I cared about him. I knew I could commit to someone so special without needing to have that person physically in my life every single day.

Richard had never been in a LDR before. Thinking of living an ocean apart from each other after having lived just down the street from me for a whole year made Richard nervous, scared, and unsure about the whole thing. When Richard would get nervous about the prospect of a LDR, I would interpret it as his lack of commitment, his lack of enthusiasm, and worse of all, his potential lack of love for me.

But what I didn’t take into account at the time was this: Being in a LDR is like bungee jumping. If you’ve done it before, all you can think about is the exhilarating rush of jumping off the platform and experiencing the freedom of the free fall, making you feel more alive than ever! But if you’ve never done it before, all you can think of is “How do you drum up the courage to jump off somewhere so high only being tethered to a platform by a rope?!”

So instead of hearing Richard’s nerves in an empathetic way, trying to understand what it must be like to all of a sudden throw yourself into a LDR with the one you love, I was listening to Richard’s concerns with a filter dominated with impatience and experience, knowing that we had all the right ingredients to make a LDR work (commitment, communication, care and most importantly – love) and wondering how he couldn’t see that it was going to be alright in the end!

Using the bungee jumping analogy again: Instead of giving Richard the space to freak out over his first bungee jump, as all people do one way or another, I was just yelling “Richard! You’re going to be fine! I’ve done it before! It is so fun! Trust me! Just jump!”

Reflecting on it a few months after our first conversation on LDRs, I realized that I approached the topic completely wrong. Instead of telling Richard to push through his fear and trust unconditionally because his love for me should guide him there without a second thought was quite small-minded of me. I am someone who lives without regrets. So, while I wouldn’t want to take that moment back because it taught me so much, I wish I could have approached Richard’s nerves a different way by creating a space that allowed him to share his concerns, his nerves, his thoughts, and his feelings without judgment and with unconditional empathy. Ultimately, I wish I could have given him space to give into his fears so that he could move on from them in a safe way.

I know now that if Richard wasn’t serious about our relationship that he would have never entertained the idea of a LDR. The mere fact that he wanted to discuss the option with me and took my feelings on LDRs into account – that was the sign of his unconditional love for me. His nerves, his hesitation, his feelings – those were signs of his humanity.

It’s important to know the difference, and I have definitely learned my lesson.

Inspired by the LDRBN Prompt: Distance

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